Monday, April 18, 2005

The differences between guys and girls in general, and in marriage

This might be difficult to do since I am not married. However, I am merely putting down differences that I have seen from my heroes at explaining this stuff... Emerson Eggerichs, Shaunti Feldhahn, Steve Arterbern, James Dobson, Jimmy and Karen Evans, Bill Harley, etc. Some of this stuff is probably a no-brainer.

These are general stereotypes not rules.
Guys compartmentalize their lives. Girls do not.
Girls desire security and an open and honest communication most in a marriage. For guys it would be to be honored, sex, and have similar interests.
Girls give sex to get love, guys give love to get sex.
A guy wants to be respected above all. A girl wants to be loved above all.
Guys are generally more detached from there feelings than girls are.
Guys are more prone to pride and to rebel.
Guys view providing financially for their family as basically their biggest job. But to most women how much money he makes at his job is secondary to his presence being there in the home. However, it is still important to her that he makes at least as much money as her dad did.
Guys tend to view the marraige ceremony as the completion of a goal. Now they can shift priorities to a job or whatever to conquer. Women tend to view that now is when they really get serious about the relationship. So a guy views a relationship like a new car. It shouldn't require any major changes or fixings to it for a long time. A girl views the relationship as a garden. It needs to be daily worked on and needs to be a major priority to constantly fix it to be better and better. The guy views her constant attempts to change him and the mariage as a lack of respect for the job he is doing.
Guys are visual. The vast majority of girls are relational (according to Shaunti Feldhahn the number is something like 20%).
Women's biggest desire in marriage is oneness and intimacy. To share each other's thought's, feelings, struggles, ups, and downs.
Many women think they can change their husband after marriage. Many men HATE their wife trying to change them and stonewall her. This, of course, comes across as very unloving.
When a woman doesn't feel loved she acts to her husband without respect. When a man doesn't feel respected he reacts without love. And the downward spiral begins.
It is impossible for a guy to not notice an attractive girl (note: it is his choice to either continue looking, lust, etc. or look away). It is nearly impossible for a married wife to not get angry when her husband notices an attractive girl.

And on and on the list goes. If you are interested in this stuff you should read stuff by those authors/speakers.

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