A clarification

I did want to clarify a little in my last post (note: this may not make things clearer since I am saying this on my 3rd (historically - the roughest) day after chemo). I do not want to make it sound like the lack of side effects and the ease (in comparison to the other people I see in the oncology ward who are sipping their pop or coffee) is due to me... the last thing I wanted, was to come off as prideful. I have already been down that road in my life and have fallen flat on my face. The reason why I am blessed is because my God is choosing to bless me... undeserved, unearned grace - available to all if they ask.

I tend to look at it like this. We are responsible for what we know to do. For example, An addict is responsible to being willing to change whatever friends, input, where he goes, etc. to get free of his addiction. That said, that is just one of his small steps. However, when I listen to the stories of the people who went through Teen Challenge, they would never have made it on their own. God did it all and all the glory goes to him. In the same way, I am trying to do my part and bring my loaves and fish to the Lord for Him to work miracles... I did not want to come off that I am somehow doing this on my own...

Isaiah 48: 10 See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
11 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another.

And hopefully this makes things clearer and not fuzzier (maybe I can have a clarification to my clarification post :) )...

About my 9th chemo and doctor visit

So I wrote this in a forum with a few friends from Taylor... I thought I would toss this over here for the rest of you.
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I went to HCMC for chemo today. Good times. So I found out a few things.
#1 The pulmonary function tests show that my lungs as of late seem to be about the same. (the bleomycin doesn't seem to be destroying them). That said my breathing capacity could be improved (pray for that if you remember to). My breathing capacity is at 65% of what would be considered normal for someone my height. Anything from 80% up is considered normal (I have to stay above 60% to keep getting one of the four chemo drugs I am taking, bleomycin).

#2 The doctor is shocked that I have basically no side effects (they don't count not being as alert, sleeping a couple extra hours more, glossy eyes, looking more pale, being more forgetful -all those on the days after chemo and then going away after a few days) as being real side-effects. They are looking more for nausea, vomiting, hair loss, neuropathy, bad head aches, etc. (the more serious ones) as being side-effects.

#3 According to her, she would have no sign that I am even doing chemo except that my white blood cell count took a hit two different times. She is very surprised that I am not taking the vast majority of my anti-nausea medicine and not hurling everywhere as a result.

#4 However, the conventional medical field doesn't believe that diet, supplements, and prayer effect cancer prognosis. They don't realize how hard and what extreme things I do to feel good. Example: I take roughly $700 dollars worth of supplements in a month and quite a bit of that we get at below wholesale prices (thank God we don't pay for it all). I juice raw organic (or nearly organic) veggies many times a day. I sleep with my window wide open for days after chemo so that I get the fresh air into my body (I haven't had headaches since doing this). I go in the tub and sweat buckets for an hour or so for days on end after chemo. I eat a fiber rich diet so I poop multiple times a day, getting the toxins out of my body quicker - I feel better after every time I go for the first couple of days. I drink tons of healthy fluids, not pop, alcohol, and fruit juices (spikes blood sugar levels... cancer gorges on sugar) so that I can get the bad stuff out of my urine quicker. I do not eat anything remotely unhealthy, and live on organic dark green leafy veggies and other veggies after chemo (roughly two-thirds of my diet for the first few days after chemo). I get massages from my family and go to the chiropractor, often. I avoid flouride in my toothpaste, sodium lauryl sulfate in my shampoo, avoid anti-persperants (clogs the lymph nodes in the armpits from eliminating toxins), drink purified water, avoid tension, responsibility, etc. To sum it up, I do everything I know to do during these chemo months (although some of these things are not practical to do for a life time... obviously I will have responsibities, etc.).

#5 I would like to think that - only by God's grace - I am not dealing with the stuff that got me into this mess. In Beating Cancer with Nutrition, Patrick Quillan says that in his experience of working with cancer patients, roughly 90% have had a major devestating, life-altering event within two years of being diagnosed. I think I figured I had about 6 of them. A patient would be wise to heal up any psychological issues at the same time. After dealing with those things awhile ago I am grateful to hopefully, by God's grace, be done with all of that. At the same time most people diagnosed with cancer go through all of the different emotional phases, like denial, etc. Again I would like to think that God has brought me through all of that in the previous years. I would like to think I have become one of the most positive people I know. This is not to brag as if I can somehow do this on my own. However, I have found God to be faithful that when I go to Him with all of the negative toxic emotions, He guts them out and replaces them with His joy. It is a wonderful exchange... I can't imagine the stress of going through this as a non-Christian. Even when things seemed hugely problematic, I have had tremendous peace due to the prayers of the people around me. If everyone really understood how prayer works, they would do it a lot more often and be a lot more serious about it. Prayer does more then just remove toxic emotions. I have seen God answer SO many prayers in the last chunk of time. For example, when I came home from chemo, I told people about what was going on with me, my mother and I could feel the power of God coming on so strong that we were both literally in tears. She stopped cooking right in the middle and just started weeping... the presence of God was that strong. From that moment on, I had basically nothing for side effects from my 7th chemo. My God is faithful, and that is one thing I have found from going through this. I don't know what the future lays ahead (I am believing for big things...), but I know my God will be with me whereever and whatever I face... and there is something truly wonderful in really, really, deep, deep, down knowing that. I am thankful. One more example of really cool answering of prayers is that after having some major problems with itching for more than a year and 3/4 the last bit seems to basically be gone and has been that way ever since I sent out that mass email asking for prayer about an autologous bone marrow transplant. Before that I still was scratching my ankles and a couple other random places a bit.
#6 I continue to gain weight. I am at 185 pounds, 5 more than Taylor... I think that is two pounds more than before. This is especially shocking as I am not and have not been taking steroids or anything to keep my weight up.
#7 The doctor explained to me what the autologous bone marrow transplant would look like if I were to have to do it (not cancer-free on the next pet scan... which could be as soon as next week). Since it would be autologous it doesn't sound half as bad as what I was reading about online (when you get the bone marrow from another person). Generally it is done with a hospital stay of a couple of weeks (for young people), and it has sometimes even been done on an outpatient basis (There isn't as much concerns of people dying from normally easily treatable infections because they are not taking tremendous amounts of immune suppressing drugs that those who get bone marrow from another person take). Most of the time they are able to collect enough of your bone marrow from your blood that they don't need to start drilling into bones... which would be much better than taking massive dossages of drugs to keep me from going nuts from the extreme (for me) pain of the bone marrow biopsies. It doesn't guarantee that a person goes sterile, but it does up the chances of it. It also increases the chances of getting cancer later on in life. Another concern is that it sounds like I would have to avoid eating most of the raw veggies and fruit and possibly supplements while doing it... But I am believing for big things from my God and that I won't have to go down that route. I am accepting all prayers for death of any remaining cancer cells (if there are any)... I am sure ya'll know that.

#8 She was getting slightly concerned that I am feeling too good. She's slightly wondering if the chemo is doing things in me since I have had so few side effects. In Beating Cancer with Nutrition, Quillan says that loading your body up with nutrients is like putting bulletproof vests on your healthy cells and making chemo far more toxic to cancer cells. I would like to think that is happening in my body.

So there it is... the vast majority of things I am doing for my health. I would think anyone could go through chemo this easily if they keep their attitude focused on Christ, get the prayers that I am getting, spend a lot of time with the Lord, and do the things I read about... I have only been studying for my life for a couple of years now... it would be pretty pathetic if I hadn't learned anything. Hopefully, I can get a chance to show people Who helps and some things that have helped me...

I have my 9th chemo tomorrow...

So if you would pray for me, esp. in the four or five days after chemo that would be great. Pray that the chemo kills any cancer cells that might be left, and if there are any left, that they would not grow resistant to the chemo. I would also appreciate prayers for no side effects and for things to work out well away from home (I am planning on going "up north" after chemo on Monday).

Life Today (James Robison) and other Sky Angel Programming

So I was watching James Robison's show, Life Today, and he had a woman named Shaunti Feldhahn. I was impressed. She wrote a book for women telling all about men, entitled For Women Only. I was curious to see if she really did know all about men, and was very impressed with what she said. She had men nailed perfectly. One of her main points was that men instinctively respect their wives, and women instinctively love their husbands, because that is what both sides want most to receive from the other. That's why God commands men to love their wives and women to honor their husbands... Because if they take care of that, their marriage is a big step in going in the right direction. Personally I think this is why men do far more of the really daring and sometimes stupid things (like luge, bungee jumping, cliff jumping, etc. because they want to be respected by other men). I also think this is why some women will allow men to treat them like trash in a relationship, because they are wanting to be loved desperately. I think you can listen to the interview (all of 15 minutes on http://www.lifetoday.org/ ). It should be in their archives if you are viewing this board later in time). I highly recommend it. Come to think of it, I think I highly recommend every program.

I also caught a Tony Evans sermon. Boy oh boy, does that guy have insight. I want to preach like him! To summarize his sermon in a nutshell, when the box is closed on your life, and somebody in heaven is evaluating it, the only things that matter after you die is what you did with your treasure, time, and talents. Were they used for God? (Note: this is not to say you get to heaven by works, but it is to evaluate what you are doing with your life after you made the decision.

I caught a couple of music videos too... I must say I have turned into a bit of a Christian rock music video junkie thanks to TVU. (You can also watch TVU on http://www.tvulive.com/) Where else could I catch a little Blindside and P.O.D.? On the Spirit channel I caught the music video for American Dream by Casting Crowns. They said they came up with the video after he had worked with kids in a youth group. After counseling so many of them for so many years, the dad-gone-to-make-money-so-he-doesn't-have-time-for-his-kids syndrome was so widespread he made this song. I must say I am thankful for my dad being the man he is. Oh, here's the words so you know what I am talking about.

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family the finer things
Not this time son I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away
So He works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time
And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away
'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It'll just take a little more time
He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You

So, what I am trying to say, is that you need to get Sky Angel!

Only Brett Favre Makes That Throw...

My younger brother has a hillarious line... only Brett Favre makes that throw! My brother, a diehard Vikings fan, and hater of the Packers, uses it often when watching football games. Let me explain where he got his line from. We both have grown sick of the television announcers heaping endless praise on certain players, nearly worshiping the ground they walk on. The announcers have a few favorites, Randy Moss, Michael Vick, and, of course, Brett Favre. After hearing Madden say, "Only Brett Favre makes that throw...," over and over on a Monday Night Football game, my brother says it whenever Favre throws an interception, which was a lot yesterday. It is quite hilarious if you ask me.

Hopefully, he will get many opportunities to say that when he is at the Vikings-Packers game on Christmas Eve.

So I follow the crowd...

and get a blog and now I follow the crowd and put on a counter. I still haven't told most of the people I know about this... That might help this sight out. I think I might get a gmail address, so I'll have to mention this when I let people know the address change.

Random thoughts

It kinda makes a person feel a tad strange when the nurses who adminster chemo won't do it unless they are wearing a whole extra layer of protective garb, gloves, and everything a person can imagine. Then there is the patient who just sits there and watches 4 different drugs being pumped into their veins... that they won't even administer without all of the protection for fear that they might come into contact with it.

So on my third day after chemo I woke up and had some nice bloodshot eyes. Thankfully, it went away pretty fast. Chemo is good for giving glossy eyes as well. I have to be thankful, the only side-effects I had were: increased sleep (I slept 12 hours a night for the first 4 or 5 nights after chemo), a tad - not much - less energy, looked a tad pale and then flushed for a little bit, and a bit less alert. It definetly helps to get that stuff out of the body as soon as possible. That's why I go in the tub and sweat like a drug addict in detox. I eat lots of fiber and drink tons of freshly made veggie juice and water. Needless to say, I am the one that asks to stop for bathroom breaks on all recent vacations.

There was a different crop of people I was around on last Friday. Normally I do chemo on Monday and am used to the staff there. However, HCMC had quite a few different people on staff, and most of the patients I hadn't seen before either. I would have to say the patients there today looked sicker than the ones I see on Monday. There were some very trim people down there. Other than me (who was blessed to put on 27 pounds in 40 days on chemo to get back to my optimal weight... I keep realizing more and more how much of an answer to prayer that was) chemo seems to be a wonderful weightloss strategy. I think my neighbor lost 50 pounds in her first month on chemo, and a lot of people around the oncology ward for HCMC look leaner than the people who have been starving on Survivor episodes for a month. At HCMC, we get our own little televisions to watch while we get chemo (why doesn't ESPN have more football highlights on Fridays... Monday is definetly the better day to be at the hospital). So the lady next to me is watching aerobics. I just about burst out laughing to see her laying back in her recliner with iv tubes coming out while she is watching aerobics.

I never thought I had a favorite color before - and never really cared, but now I have one. It is adriamycin red. Adriamycin, one of my chemo drugs, has got to be one of the coolest colors ever. It's this deep royal red that looks like you can make a popsicle out of it. If I find a picture of it, I'll have to post it. Or if you find one, put a link in the comment portion.

So I have a fool proof way to be filled with joy. Give. When you give to others without alterior motives, it burst joy throughout your being. Now, if you really want to be pumped up, share what is most important... the salvation message. I don't know how a person could ever feel down if they are sharing their faith.

This weekend

So I had chemo on Friday (the 8th out of hopefully 12). It went pretty well and I had very little side effects. It was interesting to hear the administering nurse say that a lot of people by this point spend most of their lives in bed watching television - because they feel too lousy to do anything else. I am very grateful that I am not one of those.

Since I had to postpone my 8th chemo by four days due to low neutraphil count, they had me take a pretty painless Neulasta shot on Saturday so that it doesn't happen again.

It was a tad brisk last night. One thing I have found that definetly helps with chemo side effects - esp. the dizzying headaches - is to sleep with my window wide open. My dad said it was eleven degrees this morning when he went to work. That might explain why I felt a bit cold. I am very thankful that I am doing as well as I am, since I used to just sit by a window after chemo to keep my head straight. I have not had to do that the last couple of times which is nice due to the time of the year. The other thing that helps keep headaches away is raw organic greens. I'll sit down and snack on a head of romaine or spinach and it does wonders.

So my next chemo would be scheduled for the 24th, but since that is Christmas Eve, the hospital is closed. I will have to wait until Monday the 27th. I would like to be able to go up north - Minnesota slang for anywhere a couple hours north of the Twin Cities - to my aunt and uncle's after that. Another good reason to not have chemo on the 24th is the Vikings-Packers game. Whenever the Vikings play, downtown driving stinks. Add to the fact that this is the Packers and I-35W will probably look like a parking lot. Since it is very easy to be frustrated & moody after chemo, and since I take chemo a block away from the metrodome, I am glad that I won't be dealing with it. On a side point, It sounds like my bro and dad might have got tickets...

Well, I am writing this the third day after chemo... wonder if it makes sense (historically the third day is the toughest one). So far, so good for side effects, just needed more sleep, eyes looked bloodshot, and not as energetic.

And now things look a bit better

Here is my message I emailed some people.
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Here is my next update. On Monday the chemo nurse read me the flow chart for my medical treatment. It would be to do a pet scan on the week of December 13th. If I was cancer free, I would finish out the remaining chemo to make sure every last cancer cell was/is dead, and be done. If not I would finish up my remaining chemo and my oncologist would plan for me to do an autologous bone marrow transplant upon completion of the twelfth chemo (some time in the first few months of the new year). After communicating with the oncologist, she took our desire to find out what was and wasn’t scartissue to mean, do the pet scan a month earlier to find out, even though my chances of being cancer free at this point wouldn’t be as good. So we had a bit of a misunderstanding (my guess is she wouldn’t have moved it up and would have tried to disagree with us on that except that since I had refused chemo for two years and ten months, so she wants to do exactly what we want). Since she just finished going to a large seminar on Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, my oncologist thinks that bone marrow transplants have the best chance for long term success, over radiation or a different chemo, if the person is otherwise healthy. So pray that I am cancer-free by January so that these other options aren’t options.

There is one other piece of news. After my oncologist had an analysis run of the comparison of the ct scans it showed a 75% shrinkage by volume (we were eyeballing it at about 70%) of the mass in my chest, and she is quite pleased with how well it is going. No one knows what the percentage of cancer cells is of the 25%, but it is known that there is a decent amount of scartissue. This is not surprising as I was diagnosed with the nodular sclerosis type of Hodgkin’s.

So my prayer requests now are: that I am cancer free by my pet scan in January, that any remaining cancer cells do not become resistent to the chemo, that my white blood cell and neutraphil counts improved, that I don’t get sick, for my 8th chemo to go well, wisdom for everyone involved in my medical situation, for III John 2 ( 2Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well) to be happening in my life, and for God’s hand all over the whole health situation (basically, the same list as before).
Thanks for your prayers,
Me

So

I sent out an email updating on health. Here it is.
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I could use some prayers. I missed my first chemo (out of 8, I had been borderline twice so far) due to low white blood cell/neutraphil counts so pray that that goes up. Also pray I do not get sick as the counts dropped to below the point that my body could fight a fever or whatever off. I would have to be hospitalized. My chemo has been pushed back to this Friday. Neither my mom nor I realized what the clear plan was from my oncologist. Her plan is that if I am cancer free on my pet scan (pushed back to the 17th) that I would finish out chemo as planned. However, if I wasn’t, I would do a bone marrow transplant (take out my bone marrow, take chemo that is much more toxic then what I am currently taking – I believe 5 times more toxic – and then reinsert my bone marrow). From what I have been reading the intensive care unit becomes the home for patients, and spend weeks or months hospitalized. As you can probably guess, I am not wild about this idea, and would probably get a second opinion before going for it. But pray that it doesn’t become an issue! Pray for the following: that I am cancer free by my pet scan, that any remaining cancer cells do not become resistent to the chemo, that my white blood cell and neutraphil counts improved, that I don’t get sick, for my 8th chemo to go well, wisdom for everyone involved in my medical situation, and for God’s hand all over the whole health situation.
Thank you very much for your prayers,
Paul

Walk by Faith

by Jeremy Camp has got to be one of the coolest songs for anyone going through adversity. If you haven't heard it, you should. Go to http://www.jeremycamp.com/tunes.html

Only in Minnesota

would I see 15 or so other people on the walking path around our little lake when it is December, overcast, 36 degrees, and snow is on the ground. Some were walking dogs, others jogging, and still others rollerblading or biking. I love Minnesotans... were such a hardy group.

Convention

So I look outside and besides seeing snow I see our lawnchairs all sitting in a circle like there is a convention going on. It reminds me of the days on Sammy II (Taylor) when certain people would grab all of the furniture off of the different floors and set them up in the lounges like some special activity was planned. The next day you would hear all sorts of people ask what was going on and when "it" was happening.

So I guess I am starting this...

and I need to go to bed. What a pathetic start.