So I'm practically blown away by the awesomeness of the lyrics of Disciple

Into Black
Tomorrow may never come
An everyday possible prophecy
If I’m hated or if I’m adored
I will not question You here with me

This solemn truth I will depend on
That You could never even think of failing

When all others start to fade away (Into Black)
I won’t worry, I know You are with me
When the sky is falling down on me (And turns me back)
I won’t worry, I know You are with me

I have nothing inside this world
But everything that I need’s in You
If for better or if for worse
Always and forever I am Yours

You can’t hold me back now
When it’s all coming down
I know I’ll be brought out
This can’t hold me back much longer
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Only You
You were the only one that I could turn to
You were the only one that could ever calm my sea
that seperated me from what you knew I could be, only You

And through it all, I'm Yours alone
I will live and die for You, only
I will die to live for You

You will be the one I will call by name
even when I find myself on either side of pain
You will be the reason for the breath I breath, only You

And through it all, I'm Yours alone
I will live and die for You, only
I will die to live for You

Take this burning heart that burns for You, make it what you want
Break it, mend it, it is Yours alone, for You I will live and die


To see the Bible Verses they come from click here then click song lyrics and manipulate the choose a song button.

If you want to hear the songs...
click here (note: they are a bit on the harder end of the spectrum...) They are tracks 3 & 4.
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Lastly, I really like "The Warrior is a Child" by Twila Parris

The whole lyrics are here.
But here's the chorus.
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child

Doing things for God vs. Him using me

There is CERTAINLY a difference. One leaves me burnt out. The other leaves me invigorated and in awe of Him. The Christian life is one of abiding in God (John 15)and then seeing how He works through me. It is not burning oneself out for God to try to get Him to love me (which He already does). All power and strength come through Him. If I try to do on my own strength and fail, I can be mad at God for how he didn't do what I thought He was supposed to. But the reality is, I took over His job for Him. His work was no longer His work. It was my work. Maybe because of pride that I was the only one that could do it right. Or maybe out of lack of trust that it wouldn't get done if I didn't go for it. But God is bigger than me. He doesn't need my help. It is my PRIVELEGE to be used by Him. This is not to say that I shouldn't do what God would have me do, rather, it is to do my part of what He would have me do, no more, no less. Not burning myself out, but not lazy. Always thankful for the privelege of being used. Always for God's glory and not for self-recognition. This is the way.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I think the key is helplessness

So I'm pretty sure that is the key. To everything in living the Spirit-filled life. It is knowing that anything I know I am helpless to apply and that I am utterly and completely dependent on my Father for everything. While I think I can do it on my own, He generally lets me go. While I TURN to Him, really turn to Him, and throw myself helplessly before His feet, but yet boldly come before His throne is when life works the way that it's supposed to. When I think I can just apply what I know to fix problems or do things on my strength, and that it doesn't matter on details, then things tend to not work well. It is only when I am throwing myself before my Creator that I can have any real confidence that His hand will come down in power. For it is when I am weak that I am strong. I love it when God takes something that I am horrible in and makes it a strength for me. My worst grade in high school was biology. I hated it all, especially studying the human body. I basically figured it was impossible. But yet somehow God picked me to have stuff happen in my body that confounded doctors. I think He worked in and through me because it would be so obvious that it was Him and not something I could take credit for. And now I just took Hebrew. The funny thing is that people in that class actually think I am good at it! Sure my grade might have been good, but I can't take any credit. My mom and I would always joke around that the two things that were next to impossible for us to learn were music and foreign languages. So I definetly prayed for God to anoint my mind to learn. I also worked very hard. (i.e. I didn't just pray and then go play frisbee... although that does sound tempting :) ). I was also blessed by my Lord to have the most awesome living situation possible for studying (If anyone is to boast, let them boast in the Lord! - that was an answer to prayer, I definitely had told people to pray about my living situation... to basically have a 3 floor apartment virtually to myself with a deck, lakeview, etc.). Somehow, someway, one of my best grades of the semester came in Hebrew. I still don't know exactly how that happened. But somehow I know that my God has this wonderful sense of humor where He likes to take people that couldn't possibly take credit for how He worked and then ridiculously bless them just so that it is abundantly clear to all involved that He is the one that did it and not them.

So anyway, back to helplessness, I am truly convinced that is the key, as I mentioned before. Basically, on my own, I have no real confidence - a prideful facade doesn't count. But as I throw myself before my Redeemer and King somehow, someway He gives me a holy boldness to say what He quickens me to say for His honor and glory. And I somehow look really good as a result of His hand on me. This is where there is this wonderful catch-22 occurs. It truly seems cool to me when He does this. I can look around and see God producing fruit through me. But the second I somehow think I can take credit for it, is the second it turns to mist, disappears, and leaves me clutching air and wondering how I can get it back. It is only when I am truly helpless in clinging to my Lord that life flourishes. I think the trick is to somehow keep focus on God and just thank Him tremendously for when He works through me, as this is never a result of me that He works through me. Shoot, there are a ton of people who are smarter, better qualified, etc. But the key to the top in God's world has very little to do with natural ability and a whole lot to do with helpless yet boldly coming before the throne pleading for His will to be done, His hand of blessing to be shown, for His sake not for mine. Showing that His will is my will, and if it isn't, imploring Him to change me to be a man after Him and His heart. Then the peace comes to know that if I am truly working on God's will and not my own, that I can and do have absolute peace because He wants His will done far more than I do. It also leads to absolute trust as I KNOW that He is in control, He will see that His work gets done, I need only be a volunteer and be available to whatever He would have me do. The Christian life seems to not be about doing things for God or doing His will in one or two things but rather so aggressively pursuing Him on a moment by moment basis that I am seizing whatever opportunities He gives me. So it isn't because of anything good in the believer that they can be used by God, but it is that through marinating their lives so fully in prayer, His Word, and His Presence that He can't help but overflow out of them whereever they go. This is not some empty ritual of quiet time with God out of guilt but a pursuit by His captivating Presence, His tremendous truths of His Word, etc. THIS is the adventure of the Christian life. THIS is where the peace, joy, and love and all the stuff that teleevangelists promise as a result of being Christian but the vast majority of the church never sees. God, THIS is what I want to live in again!!

Truth vs. feelings

You should not believe your conscience and your feelings more than the word which the Lord who receives sinners preaches to you.
- Martin Luther

Synergism of trust, humility, joy, lack of doubt, etc.

So a lot of times it seems I discuss one issue in a post. But I'm convinced a lot of the Christian life is syneristic. It seems like if one chooses to walk in pride, they will be opposed by God (James 4:6). As a result even if they do "trust God" they probably don't see Him work as often as they could because they are opposed by Him. So as a result there is no trust, so instead of their being peace, and joy in the midst of what they are believing for, there is a need to push, control and manipulate the things hoping for into existance. Instead of hoping being in the Lord, hope becomes based off of personal efforts. As a result, this often leads to discouragement because, "apart from God we can do nothing (John 15:5)." Then doubts about God, etc. can take over because things did not happen. The reality is that the believer was out of the will of God (Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world but be transformed by the renewing of the mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing, and perfect will.") On the opposite end of the spectrum, if we are praying and believing for God to bless for His honor and glory, actively doing what He shows us to do, believing for Him to work, abiding in Him (John 15), viewing Him as the source and not our own efforts (but still working hard on what He shows us to do), I am convinced it will be virtually impossible to not be filled with His peace despite any situation. As a result joy and hope abound in the believers life as they earnestly await seeing God's hand at work reguardless of what the circumstances of their life show.

Judging

"The judgment that Jesus prohibits is not about ascribing worth to others by helping them get free from things in their lives that suppress their worth. It is about trying to experience worth for oneself by detracting it from others. It is not about noticing the difference between good and evil and giving feedback out of love, it is about eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to get life." - Greg Boyd