Victory Over the Darkness

Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson has to be one of the best books out there. I wish everyone read this book. Here are some excerpts from Chapter 7 entitled "You can't live beyond what you believe," - what a great title.

"Your Christian walk is the direct result of what you believe about God and yourself. if your faith is off, your walk will be off."

"Some Christians believe that walking by faith means being carried along by a mysterious, ethereal, indescribable inner sense called faith - kind of like "the force,"... Walking by faith simply means that you function in daily life on the basis of what you believe. In fact, you are already walking by faith; you can't not walk by faith. Your belief system determines your behavior. IF YOUR BEHAVIOR IS OFF IN A CERTAIN AREA, YOU NEED TO CORRECT YOUR BELIEF IN THAT AREA BECAUSE YOUR MISBEHAVIOR IS A RESULT OF YOUR MISBELIEF."

"When your activity in a relationship or a project results in feelings of anger, it's usually because someone or something has blocked your goal in that endeavor. Any goal which can be blocked by forces you can't control (other than God) is not a healthy goal, because your success in that arena is out of your hands. A wife and mother may say, "My goal in life is to have a loving, harmonious, happy family." Who can block that goal? Every person in her family can block her goal. Not only can, they will!"

He goes on to say that anxiety signals an uncertain goal and depression usually signifies an impossible goal.

What a good book!!!! I need to reread it.

The need for discernment

I had a conversation today that only reinforced what I personally experienced. We have a real NEED for discernment in the church today. There is a part of me that cringes everytime I hear people talking about listening to the voice of the Lord (i.e. when they are in prayer, etc.) because I really do think the vast majority of people in the church can't tell the difference between God's voice and the masquerading "angel of light," the devil. My own issues with this came from a point in my life when I was really serious about doing whatever God wanted me to do and not give a rip what anyone thought. Unfortunatly, I couldn't always tell the difference between God's voice and the devil. As a result I found myself in more and more bondage despite trying to obey God. Thankfully, I went to a place of deliverance before too long and all of those voices that told me to do things that seemed Biblical, disappeared. This is an issue that too many people in the church don't want to discuss, but it is very real. One of the biggest schemes of the enemy is to push people to do stuff that sounds Biblical, than heep condemnation on them when they don't do it. God doesn't guilt and shame people. There is a thing called conviction, but it is vastly different.

Anyway, I am getting off on a tangent. In my conversation today, I talked to a guy who had been locked away into mental health hospital a few decades ago, because he had tried to obey "God" when he was doing what he thought God's voice told him to do... which turned into being some "pretty flaky things." Eventually he realized, that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God comes to give more abundant life. If the "voice of the Lord" told him to do something that would cause destruction in his life or relationships, that it probably wasn't the voice of the Lord.

I would say, walk through the steps that are in Neil T. Anderson's, The Bondage Breaker, and say good bye to the enemies of the Lord for good. James 4:7 speaks the truth. Freedom from guilt, blame, shame, demonic fear, etc. is nice, and paid for by Jesus. Sadly too many people are controlled by the above instead of living in the perfect freedom. If they only knew that it was already paid for, but is something they need to apply to themselves... while a sinner's prayer might be what is necessary for salvation, deliverance doesn't necessarily come because of salvation.

I can't say I am perfect on hearing God's voice now, but I am at least free of hearing what I thought was God's voice. And for that I am grateful.

Health, Healing, and me

I have been wrestling for sometime in trying to adequately tell people what has happened over the last three years. Was the remarkable results I saw in my health despite chemo a result of nutrition and supplements? Or was it all God answering the prayers of His saints? Or was it some of each? I can't say I know all of the answers to this. Sadly, I find there are two camps. The God answered all of the prayers and it is only Him that is responsible for it all and the nutrition camp which basically feels the opposite.

So I was watching one of my health heroes, Jordan Rubin, on Life Today. He has a somewhat similar story as I do... major health issues brought him home from college... found healing after a few years... tried many things in the alternative health arena, etc. In the middle of his talk I stopped the message and wrote this down... my preliminary thoughts which may still be revised. "I think people look at health and healing as an all or nothing. I believe that God desires to get us into a relationship of dependence on Him. Over the course of the three years God worked on healing for me, but it wasn't an all or nothing. It was a daily process of lining my emotions, diet, desires, etc. up with His, which was only something He could do with me as long as I chose to abide in Him. There were times God would step in and perform answers to prayer on my behalf, but often times He would lead me to do different things and take different things that He put on this world for certain health purposes."

I would love to see the end of the days where 90% of the prayer requests at churches are for healing diseases, that all too often could be stopped if people would follow the nutritional laws that were put on this world. People would never ask for people to pray that they wouldn't get hurt if they jumped off of large buildings. I would love to see the days where people in the church would quit blaming God for the health problems we see in the church because people don't follow the laws that he put on this planet. Why do the vast majority of the people in the church over the age of 40 spend their lives praying for God to heal them, but refuse to make simple dietary and supplement changes along with emotional healing that could vastly help them in their quest for health? Why do people feel like that they can eat whatever they want whenever they want with no apparent consequences to their health and that if something bad happens God is to blame? Why can't people just change what caused their sickness? Why spend your life treating symptoms of poor health when they're real problem is emotional baggage, a bad diet, caffeine addiction, sugar and even worse, artificial sweetners, chemicals in health and beauty products, sedentary lifestile, alcohol, lack of sunlight, and most importantly, the belief they won't get better, etc., etc., etc.

And that is the end of my vent. I think I was rambling on at the end there repeating myself. Oh well. At least the times are changing. I salute the charismatics and the seventh day adventists for moving the church in the right direction on health.

Who am I to judge? I loved trashing my body. I loved getting no sleep, eating half-gallon containers of ice cream in a sitting, etc. I was exactly the person that I find I could very easily get frustrated with now. Thank you, God, for rescuing me. If I didn't have You and a mom determined to help me, I know that I wouldn't have made it through chemo like what happened. To God be the Glory.

I think a lot of the people just don't realize how much the little things they do on a daily basis set them up for health issues. If people knew, I would think a lot of them, especially women (since too many men seem to define themselves by what they eat), would change.

I guess that answers the question of whether or not I am going to go back to eating junk-food all the time now that I am cancer-free, huh? :)

I am done!!

I am done with radiation. It is very nice to be done.

Today was a gorgeous day in the upper 60s, quite unseasonable. The last bits of snow are going down fast in the backyard. I don't think I will see people ice fishing on the lake by my house anymore. Last weekend, I was up in northern Minnesota and they still had nearly three feet of ice on their lake. To give you some kind of idea of how thick that is, I think it only has to be 4 inches thick for a person to walk on it.

So anyway, I just HAD to get outside on a day like today. Some family members and I had quite a good time hitting around a volleyball, juggling a soccer ball, etc. After going SOOO long without really playing sports, other than a little bit of volleyball, it feels like a good friend of mine is back in my life.

It was also good to go to a grocery store. Although this may not seem like a big deal, but I haven't gone to any public place (except church and the hospital) in many months. It is amazing how much those little things are missed when they are taken away.

Side effects can continue to progress for three weeks after completion of radiation. Thankfully, I really have had about nothing in side effects. My swallowing only improved from when I asked for prayer for it, despite continuing the radiation. I eventually found eating large amounts of organic plain yogurt seemed to help too, but that was after the fact. I love how God gives those little windows to show that his hand was in it, and not just the natural remedies alone.

I am probably sounding like a broken record, but I could continue to use prayer for the upcoming PET scan. Pray that it shows that I am cancer-free since this company's PET scan never showed that.

Thanks.

Only One Left!!

I only have one treatment of radiation left!!! Then I have a PET scan in mid-April. So pray for that PET Scan to show that I am cancer-free!! (that one wasn't conclusive last time). Thanks!! I still have had very little side-effects. Just a little lazier, and a tad bit of discomfort when swallowing.
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Thank you Jesus for dying for me!!!

Lobelia & Mullien

I had an appointment w/ a nutritionist today(our health food store paid for it - how cool is that?). I asked her what I should do to get radiation out of my body and help restore the lungs from the radiation and bleo. She told me to try out lobelia and mullien for the lungs and a bunch of stuff I have already been doing for detoxifying the body (man, was that an answer to prayer to find a hospital that let me take all of the supplements I wanted). So now I am searching online for info about lobelia and mullien. Unfortunatly, all I see is info about how they are good for people w/ asthma and bronchitis. Grrr. I suppose there isn't a lot of people out there looking for them for what I am looking for them for. Oh well. I'll probably just give them a shot and see what happens.
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I got bored and wrote about an ultrasound I did a few years ago. They really aren't a big deal and I really didn't mind it. However, I had to have a little fun w/ it...

Ultrasounds are a good time. I should know, I have had one before. You get to strip mostly naked. Then they take some ice cold gel that they have been keeping frozen just for me (because I am special). They rub that all over repeatedly with a wand. Just when my body thinks it can handle it they put more of the frozen goo on strictly to see how I will react. If the body is covered in goose bumps and turned blue (must be both, not just one), they say to dress and leave. If not, repeat w/ goo. Sometimes this can create an infinite loop - if I am not freezing fast enough. Then to help speed the process up, they will can resort to leaving patients in the room half dressed for a long time while they get someone else to start the process all over. (Note: they will make sure the room's temp is roughly the temp. of Yellowknife in the winter to help speed up the frostbite). They say this is a second opinion because they weren't sure what they saw. But I know better. So whenever that other professional gets there, he starts the gooing/naked process all over again. After taking a brief break to chisel off the layers of frozen goo, the torture provider proceeds again. When finished they let me think. Do I A) want to put the clothes back on and get them and me even more of a sticky mess for the trip home? Or B) walk out wearing no more clothes than was necessary for the ultrasound. Choice B is the obvious answer. Since I couldn't possibly get colder, there really is no purpose in clothes, right? Besides the layers of goop are thicker than any clothes.

Let me tell you one the secrets I have learned about ultrasounds. Take it from a pro at this. Roll around in a snowbank outside of the hospital. Give yourself face-washes in the snow. Ideally, nearby you find a lake that has thin ice and stomp on it so you can fall in. They might decide to shorten the appointment because the body has cooled to the necessary temperature required to leave the appointment. I close w/ what I started with. Ultrasounds are a good time. I should know. I have had one before. I wrote all of that to say this... The question you need to ask yourself is whether to schedule an appointment for frostbite before or after your ultrasound appointment.

Side effects from radiation

I have had very little side effects. I am grateful. After I put in here that I wanted prayer, the swallowing problem basically went away. That was a nice answer to prayer. Later I found that eating a quart of plain organic yogurt has helped. I don't know if that is because it produces mucous for the body (normally a bad thing, but the radiation dries a person out), has good bacteria for the esophagus, or is due to the texture of it. Reguardless, I am thankful for it.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

I find it interesting...

when I read different people say something like this... "Imagine what would happen if everyone you knew prayed for you one day. Imagine how great of a day you would have."

Well, I have had many, many people I know pray for me daily (or close to it) for three years. I have also had many people I don't know pray for me. I have to say it is *QUITE* nice. It sure makes a difference. If somebody tried to convince me that prayer doesn't work, they came too late. After living on it for three years, you couldn't convince me otherwise.

Thank you for praying for continuing to pray for me.

Stewardship and stress

I think one of the most essential things God has taught me related to stress is the principle of stewardship. I have only heard this a million times in church, but until recently, I had never applied it. The principle of stewardship goes far beyond tithing. It is declaring God the owner of all the possessions I have, my body, mind, reputation, etc. God takes care of things far better than I do. Since I am no longer the owner, the attachment starts to wear off of me to "my" belongings. When something goes wrong, it reminds me that the item was really God's and not mine. Whatever he wants to do with it is His decision, not mine. While viewing things from that approach, it becomes much easier to not have to control everything. It also makes me a more fun person to be around. While I still am responsible for doing my part in taking care of items, it is ultimately up to God to take care of everything.

"I have held many things in my hands and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." - Martin Luther

2 in 1

It sometimes seems to me than I am two different individuals. There is one half of me that is serious, intense, and vulnerable and another half of me that jokes around, acts goofy, loves sports and games, etc. The funny thing is that too many people only think of me as one of these two guys. They don't know both sides of me. I know the last three years have definetly been the reason for the development of the serious/intense/vulnerable me, otherwise, I was rarely like that before.

Just a little rambling about myself...

Chemo Results and Prayer

I read here that, "A complete remission was achieved in 211 patients (22%)...," by only chemotherapy. The rest became cancer-free after radiation, bone marrow transplants, etc. or died (10%). Considering I had more of an end stage (3B) cancer w/ a bulky mass in the mediastinum, a high wbc count, and low rbc count (all three of those hurt a person's odds), that makes what God did all the more remarkable. I think it might have all been taken care of by the midpoint of chemo too, since my midpoint ct scan and ending ct scan look identical.
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One thing I learned during this past three years is how to pray. I say that somewhat jokingly, because, from what I have read, to pray effectively is to admit that it can't be done on my own. It requires the Holy Spirit to take over to keep me focused. After spending much time reading different prayer books (like Mighty Prevailing Prayer by Wesley Deuwel and Prayer by O. Hallesby), God showed that the purpose of prayer and pretty much everything in general is to give Him glory. I can choose to fight that and continue to ask prayer requests based off of my desires for convenience, ease of life, etc., or I can choose to change the prayer requests or the motives behind by prayer requests. I have NEVER seen prayer requests answered like I have after God taught me and showed me how to apply that. I realized that I could ask for something from Him based off of a prideful desire to have it and never see the manifestation of the request, but that I could also ask for that same thing and see God answer the request differently, because I was asking for that thing to show God's power in my life.
Of course, there is more to it than that. I learned the power of words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, so I learned the power of speaking out negatively against something that I prayed for or complaining about the situation in thought or in word. It seems that would be two sure-fire ways to never see a request answered - just read the stories of the Israelites in the book of Numbers. I learned that apart from God I can do nothing. I MUST abide in Him, if I am ever going to see prayer requests answered. I also think that all of the people praying for me had a lot to do with the different prayer requests* I saw answered. Lastly, I also think that God has a lot of natural laws that he put on this earth. It is our job to go by them or pay the results. To spend one's life eating junk food, never exercising, having different emotional toxicities, amalgum fillings, having poor sleeping habits, be addicted to caffeine, smoke, drink, play around w/ asbestos, etc., etc., etc.**, then having that person blame God for why they got cancer and someone else didn't is just plain ridiculous. It also isn't fair to God. God put natural laws governing this planet and we can either choose to go by them or pay the consequences.

*Note: when I say prayer requests, I am referring to all sorts of little things that God answered, not just the big ones. I saw many answered prayers for lost items and other "small" requests. I believe God cares deeply about every area of my (and yours) life and wants to bless me in all areas, to give Him the glory.

**Note: I am by no means perfect on all these things, I am definetly a work in progress. Praise God, I am not wear I used to be, but, praise God, this is not how I'll end up.

I wrote all of that to say this. Praise God that my PET scan showed I am cancer-free. To Him be the glory. Some of the myriad of ways the glory goes to Him are... showing me things I was doing wrong to get into this mess, helping me to change in many, many areas, stopping the horrific itching (I can't find any reason to think that the chemo or anything else did it), provided complete peace during what would outwardly look like a massive storm, providing me parents that looked out for me and took care of me during this time, providing a benevolent guy who paid for a lot of my supplements during chemo, taking care of the vast majority of the cancer bills, showing me how to change my perspective on life, health, etc., changed my taste buds so I really enjoy what I eat, liberating me of the spiritual warfare through a deliverance ministry I went to a couple of years ago, and so on and so forth.

Pray also for me during radiation and my upcoming PET scan which will be done at the place that didn't show a definitive result. There is no guarantees that this one won't show inconclusively again. So if you could pray for that, I would greatly appreciate it. Also pray for my esophagus and lungs during radiation. Pray for God's glory to be displayed in my body through outstanding protection for my organs.

Have some thoughts/comments on what I said or on prayer? Feel free to post. That is, if blogger has fixed their comments. I think I am allowing anonymous comments now, but sign your name if you would. That way you don't have to get a username to comment.

Radiation side effects

Well, I might have picked up my first radiation side effects. I noticed discomfort yesterday and today when trying to swallow (they told me to expect this). So pray for this to go away and not get worse. Thanks. I have done 9 out of 20 treatments. I talked to a girl at church who just finished radiation for Hodgkin's. She said the radiation gave her such bad mouth sores that she didn't eat for four days and she lost 20 pounds. That poor girl also vomited a lot in comparison (since I wasn't hardly ever even nauseous) from the chemo. I am thankful they aren't radiating my mouth. So I am counting my blessings...

Cancer scholarships

Hmm, I wonder if I could get a cancer scholarship for finishing college. I was playing around on the ACS website and I did find some scholarships, so I gave them a call. They are going to have a person give me a callback. The gal said she didn't know of any schools that had scholarships for cancer patients. I wouldn't be surprised if that is changed soon. Some schools have scholarships for the blind, deaf, etc. and so it makes sense (to me, at least) that they would start having scholarships for kids (under 21) who get cancer.

Scalping Tickets

Utterly hilarious. Tickets for the Rev. Joel Osteen are being scalped for ten times the face value. Click here for more info. Don't get me wrong Joel Osteen is a great pastor. I love listening to him on Sky Angel and might be the most easy-to-listen-to, positive preacher ever. I just find the idea of scalping tickets at more than ten times the value to hear a sermon to me funny, esp. when they could drive a couple hours to his church (in the former Houston Rockets stadium) for free.

Fastest doctor's appointment ever

I had a doctor's appointment with the radiation doctor yesterday. I waited approximately five seconds in the examining room before he came in. I hadn't even finished unfolding the newspaper that I was going to read while I waited. He came in and the appointment, which lasted somewhere around thirty seconds, went like this.

Doc: Do you have any side-effects?
Me: Not really.
Doc: Well, we have the program set for you. We will shrink the radiating area twice as we go. So you just have to put the miles in to finish it up.
Me: Sounds good.
Doc: O.k. See you later.
Me: Bye

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I needed to get my port flushed yesterday. So I went back to the infusion room (my old home!!) and there was just about NO ONE THERE! I talked to my friend, the chemo RN. She said there was only two people in there the last day she had worked. Unbelievable. She ended up having to leave early and not getting paid what she would have ideally wanted to, since she wasn't working for a full day.

I sometimes have a weird sense of humor. I have worked on making it more appropriate. That said, I still joke about things that most people wouldn't.

So going back to the chemo RN and me talking, I jokingly told her that she should tell all of her friends to get cancer so she can treat them and she wouldn't have to go home early. Talk about a joke falling flat - I could have heard crickets. Maybe the infusion room is NOT the best place to tell that kind of joke.

Radiation Update

I did my third radiation today. So far I really haven't noticed any side-effects. I also don't feel anything while the machine radiates me. So far, so good. It looks like I will be getting done around Good Friday. Each weekday I have radiation until then. The radiatin lasts seconds. So it really hasn't been a big deal. Pray that it stays that way with no permanent damage to my lungs, esophagus, or any other part of me. Pray also that if there is a cancer cell left in my body that it will die. Thanks!

Causes to Hodgkin's

So what causes Hodgkin's? If you ask the conventional medical field you would hear that no one knows the cause. A nutritionist might link it to the things that they would say causes disease in general... fungus in the body, pesticides in our food supply, lack of minerals, constipation, lack of good bacteria in the colon, heavy metals like mercury and lead, too much sugar and trans-fats in the diet, resentments and other toxic emotions, moldy houses, stress, etc.

For Hodgkin's in particular, I have heard nutritionist link it primarily to pesticides, amalgum fillings and other heavy metal exposure, exposure to chemicals, and fungal overgrowth in the gut - generally through antibiotic usage and wrong diet. Patrick Quillin, from Cancer Treatment Centers of America, links lymphomas to magnesium deficiencies.

What I consistently hear from all sides is that siblings are at a higher risk - nutritionists would say that is from the same environmental factors. There is a large link from Epstein-Barr Virus to Hodgkin's. People in the country, esp. farmers are more apt to get Hodgkin's - this would explain the pesticide link.

I just read this today and thought it was interesting...
Many, but not all, studies show a consistent link between woodworking and Hodgkin’s disease. Trichloroethylene is an organic chemical used in dry cleaning, metal degreasing and as a solvent for oils and resins and has been identified to cause liver and kidney cancer in animals. Exposure to trichloroethylene has been associated with an increased chance of developing Hodgkin’s disease and other cancers.

I had a lot of the above mentioned "causes." It caught my eye when I read that from the link, because I was the kid who gnawed on the wooden bunk beds and window sills as a kid. The summer before I was diagnosed with cancer, I stripped all of the cupboards and worked extensively with them. Yet, another thing I had in common.